The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
