who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
