But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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