were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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