Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
