Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
