all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
