home. puking in laundry basket.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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