I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Did we literally take a cab across the street
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
