forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
