and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
