I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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