i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize