I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
