think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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