You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Couch. On fire.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
