I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
