he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
