My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just invented taco cereal.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
