there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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