If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
