Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
