I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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