If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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