I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
