omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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