It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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