She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
