some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
