Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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