i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
