I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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