So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
