Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
