So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
