While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
These tits shall not be calmed
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize