woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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