no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
