New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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