Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
