You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
