I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
