Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.

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(216): View more from Ohio

what is it with giant penises always finding me

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(808): View more from Hawaii

mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.

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(406): View more from Montana

The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.

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(614): View more from Ohio

not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner

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