we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
