I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
