This is not my ceiling
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
