Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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