I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The air taste purple.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
