I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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