Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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