it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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