They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
