Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants

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(660): View more from Missouri

I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.

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(979): View more from Texas

You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands

(713): View more from Texas

When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things

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(303): View more from Colorado

Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever

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(210): View more from Texas

Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall

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(804): View more from Virginia

Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.

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(313): View more from Michigan

if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it

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(289): View more from Ontario

I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.

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(214): View more from Texas

Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.

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