you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
