I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
