i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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