The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
