They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize