Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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