Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
