the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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