quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
