She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize