i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
