i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
