Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
