I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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