I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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