Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
