That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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