You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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