omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
