Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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