I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize