Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
