Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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