Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
