I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Boobs speak an international language.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
