Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
