just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
