Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

New charity walk idea!

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(678): View more from Georgia

What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.

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(585): View more from New York

well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question

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(802): View more from Vermont

Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home

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(407): View more from Florida

Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.

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