He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
