i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
