that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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