i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
