I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize