Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
