guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
